Tips on 3 Things that Stop Positive Change

  "Don't be a slave to your past but rather the bishop of your 
                  Soul and the architect of your moment." 
____________________________________________________

Are you still holding grudges against someone or some situation from your past? 

Understand that holding on to old material, emotions or grudges that are really clogs up your personal energy, mental space and ability to move forward in this coming year.

The general stereotype that has been passed around from generation to generation, is change is impossible. You can't change yourself, the way you feel, the way you think, your life or even rewrite your history if you are holding onto too much old baggage. 

True or False?

It is true you become stuck and unable to move forward if your mind is to busy holding onto the past. But what is not true is that you can't change. Of course you can. It takes willingness, perseverance and readiness. 

In order to change you have to go through a complete reset of your mind. You should start with throwing all your past garbage out of your life. All physical, mental, emotional and spiritual negative energy you have been unknowing holding onto. Stop holding on to all the old stuff that does not serve you. Start from scratch; so, do a general cleaning of internal closet.

If you continue to stockpile your old grudges and not clean out your internal mental closet it may lead to three things:

     1. The endless ruminating and over thinking about past                        situations will produce a constant parade of mental, 
         emotional and behavioral flashbacks. 

     2. You begin to over expect and overestimate leading 
          to endless disappointment.

     3. You have no space to let any new things in that are positive.

Take Away

So it makes sense to clean out your internal mental closet of old grudges, hurts, regrets and resentments that you have been storing for a long time and are running around in your mind. Once you clean out your the closet in your mind, your mind will reset itself. As a result you will realize an increase in energy, mental clarity, increased storage space and more focus.

Start cleaning today!


          Coach Bill

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Performance an Issue Already?

Day 9 

Has the performance on your resolutions begun to diminish already? Are you questioning your commitment?

This questioning of your performance is more normal than not even at this early stage. Creating a discipline fast when you are not use to it is very hard.

Typically when resolutions are set at the dawn of the New Year, the list tends to be a list of many.

Think of this scenario. When you have a long list of resolutions, you, like many people, feel obligated to work on each resolution all at once. Attempting to fulfill a long list of resolutions, even with your high enthusiasm at this point, is a recipe for failure. Why? Let’s say you have four resolutions on your list you want to work on and attain. Now you only have so much limited time and energy. That means that if you work on all four, each resolution gets a 25% of your energy and time. Or in another way you only have a 1 in 4 chance you will complete any of the resolutions on your list. If you have a larger list then your chances are even smaller.

Is this a form of self-sabotage? Or are we looking for an excuse not complete all your resolutions that might have been made in haste under some type of pressure whether from family, friends, society or a learned core belief like “I have to set resolutions each year”?

Check your list and make sure you are not overwhelming yourself. Be sure that you do not have too many for the time and energy you have. Then do a self-examine. Is your commitment to your resolutions that you set sound and realistic?

Solution

It may be time to recalibrate  your goals and focus on one at a time, so that you do not get overwhelmed or give up. 

                 

                                                      

5 Tips on Powerful Self Expectations

Are you experiencing difficulty making changes in your life?

There is an old proverb “curiosity killed the cat.” The meaning of this idiom is that being inquisitive about other people's affairs can often get you into trouble. 

Is that really what gets you in trouble? In reality the answer is no. What really “killed the cat” are the expectations you unrealistically formed about yourself, you won't let go of even though you cannot invest in, you accepted from others or was forced on you.  

What are expectations?

An expectation is a strong belief that something will happen or is likely to happen. An expectation might include an emotional attachment to a prediction of how responsive, successful, or good, you or someone else might be in a situation that has not happened yet.

Expectations are future projections you form, requirements taught to you or future outcomes placed upon you, by others who you have an emotional attachment to. Expectations are desired, looking forward to, projected or wished accomplishments, behaviors, beliefs, loyalties, performance or worth related to future outcomes. Expectations can motivate intentions or rob you of your self-determination.

You create expectations for yourself (“I expect to lose 20 pounds this month.”), others (‘She should know how much I am hurting.”), and situations (“I expect to get that job.”). If they are not fulfilled, expectations can create very deep disappointment.  The degree of disappointment or hurt corresponds to the amount of emotional attachment you formed to your expectations or others connected to those expectations.

5 Tips on Creating Powerful Expectations

1. Get in touch with your expectations.

You are not always aware of the expectations you carry. Sometimes, you are aware of expectations you recently created, but others have been in your subconscious for ages and you are no longer aware of them.

Make a list, best you can, of all the expectations you either want to accomplish or have lived by. By making a list, you accomplish two things:  1) recognition makes them real, and 2) this helps you to organize them.

2. Declutter your expectations.

Now that you have a real list, study it. Determine which ones are yours, which ones came from other people whom you felt you had to obey and complete. Determine which ones you want or could realistically accomplish, and identify which ones are not what you want or were forced upon you (parent’s expectations) from long ago. Decluttering or cutting down your list will help you gain space in your mind. Cross out the expectations you don’t want, do not need to hold onto any longer, have no emotional investment in, or are simply not yours.

3. Emotional Attachment

Take your whittled down list and figure out what level of emotional involvement or attachment you have to each one. It is best to put a numerical value on each, 1 to five or 1 to 10. Actually seeing the numerical values will help you to rank them in order to see the ones you want to accomplish first.

While you are figuring out your involvement in each, determine which expectations have made you disappointed in yourself or someone else. Disappointment can consume a lot of our emotional energy and turn into depression or severe anxiety.

Ask yourself honestly these questions while doing this section:

Is it because you disappointed someone else?

Is it because someone disappointed you?

Is it because you could not control someone else or a situation?

Is it because you didn't reach an intended goal you set for yourself now or long ago?

Are you taking things to personally that you're attempting to accomplish?

Do you create goals out of the emotion of the moment and then procrastinate?

Did you over commit yourself?

Did you say yes to an expectation when you really meant no?

Are you a poor manager of your expectations?

What are the barriers were that stop you from success and how have they contributed to you falling short of your of each expectation?

4. Stop holding on to the old.

The best way to achieve this part is to forgive you. Wipe your mind clean of past expectations by letting go of all your disappointments, self-doubts and resentments toward yourself, someone else or long past situations. Do not use old disappointments or resentments as ammunition to keep yourself down. If you have been carrying tons of unfulfilled expectations, then recognize that there is no need to hold onto them. Create new expectations or reconfigure you old ones to better suit your current state of being, improve your mind code and be happier.

5. Develop an action plan for the future.

Now it is time to make an action plan. So go over your finished expectations list.

Make sure each are what you desire, want, need, or desire and how much emotional sweat you are willing to put into each.

Make sure each expectation is specific and realistic.

Make sure each expectation is measurable

Make sure each one has a timeline or date for completion.

At the associated completion time of each expectation, go back to your #3 and check your measurements to determine:

Have I reach completion of what I wanted?

Do I want to drop this expectation?

Should I extend the time of completion?

Take Away

Remember, it is not curiosity that killed the cat … it was the expectations the cat had on itself that crushed, disappointed or sabotaged its chances for a happy and productive life.

                                               

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2 Tips on Stopping Perfectionism

Perfectionism

Do you keep score in everything you do? If you are like most people, you are always attempting to be perfect, you strive to be in the perfect zone with no exception. You strive for that perfect job, the perfect mate, the perfect house, the perfect day, and the perfect reaction and, lastly being the perfect one, #1. 

Stop living in an unrealistic dream of perfection that is not achievable.

Confession

I have to admit that I too reach for that elusive perfection in my mind, performance and life. I have crumble many times to all the media hype and peer pressure. So I set extremely unreachable goals which sets me up for failure and disappointment when I do not perform or achieve them perfectly. I truly knew in the back of my mind all those goals I set on my list were not achievable in reality. Perfection is really folklore. Perfection is not achievable.

Sometimes perfectionism is an excuse not to do something you desire too much or don't want to do in the first place. 

Perfection Causes

Unfortunately, due to all the variables this concept of perfection is not possible state of life. When you set your sights so high even the smallest disappointment shatters your self-esteem. 

What happens with this concept of perfection is that you over analyze, judge and examine all your efforts, methods and mostly yourself. Instead go through your list of goals and pick one intention you can realistically accomplish in the next 90 days, instead of attempting to do everything perfect. This shift mindset from dividing your energy between many goals  to creating and working on one intention. Put all your energies into positive action, energy, and passion, and focus less on performance disappointment.

Striving for Perfection can cause:

Anxiety
Doubt
Fear
Impatience
Over expecting
Perform issues
Procrastination
Stress
Under assessing yourself
Worry

2 Tips

1. Stop Measuring Yourself to Others

Instead of keeping score of your failures, why don't you work on a running list of all your goals you have to be grateful for. If you do, you will discover that you have so much more to be grateful for.

2. Work on Achieving Mindfulness

You should be the main focus of your mindset and what you are doing in the moment (achieving mindfulness). Instead of focusing backward (the past) or forward (the future) work on achieving the best you can and not attempting to be perfect. Being mindful on your set tasks and work on them one task or goal at a time. 

After Thoughts

Don't allow distractions on what you did not do or what you did wrong but rather focus on putting your plans into action in the moment.

Make a positive change in your life this year. This should be an intention for your.

How? 
30 Day Challenge will help you change your mind script.

How are you doing on those New Year’s Resolutions?

Day 7 of the New Year 2015

I thought I would check on you. How are you doing with the resolutions you set? Keep mindful on your objective. Once you lose your mindfulness you can lose your momentum.

I have been working on an intention I set. I wanted to be healthier in 2015. I found out that I have been dehydrated. I get dehydrated from my coffee consumption, love my coffee, and tending to my gardens and lawn. The Florida sun can be brutal. So I set an intention to drink a gallon of water a day for 30 days. There are many benefits to drinking water not only for your organs, but for your skin and eyes. My inner critic is already picking at me.

Personally I understand what all of you are going through and why keeping resolutions are so hard.

Tips to enhance your chances of being successful

With that in mind keep making your 2015 positive change come true by being:

1) Mindful everyday of your goal.

2) Perform the 1^st step to achieving your resolution in the morning. The later you wait the hard it becomes.

3) Find support from someone else to get daily reminders and keep you focused.

4) Journal about your experiences, what thoughts are going through your mind, feelings, actions you are taking. Members of the website makingapositivechange.com have access to a free, online, private journal. Membership is FREE so take advantage.

5) Keep positive. If you miss a day, it’s OK. Jump back on the horse and get back to your goal. Think about what is stopping you. Here is a little video I put out on mind code and what it is all about. Please check it out, it may just help. http://youtu.be/0dYDON54z_w

I hope that these tips, videos and reading materials will help you on your journey. Let's all work together at these tips to achieve your the goals you have set. Make this a very successful 2015!

       

                                                                            

      

4 Tips on Stopping Negative “If Only Thinking”

Ever thought that if you only had this, or that or someone then your life would be perfect, fulfilled, happy, and peaceful or everything you ever wanted. Well of course you do. 90% of all people do this type of project thinking about his or her life, about future successes or happiness. This type of ineffective thinking causes distorted thinking, disappointment and toxic attachment in order to gain something or attach to someone.  

What is “If Only" Thinking? 

This specific type of thinking, “if only thinking” is mainly directed at “if” only you had this, then you would do or be that. “If only thinking” keeps you stuck because it is based on acquiring someone or something that will give you success, not on your own skill, ability or talents. This type of “if only thinking” also stops you from living the moment, assessing your life or feeling your emotions.

Need to Find the Answer

Here is an example to help you gain perspective and clarity on this form of ineffective and avoidance thinking.

You may think you know that “if I only had X, then I would be sure I would be the most positive and happiest person in the world.” You work very hard to get X, and you get X. As a result of obtaining X you find out that nothing in you or your life has changed. You say to yourself, “I got X, but it was not the answer because I do not feel happy and positive?” You admit is “No, X did not.

Then a thought comes in your head.                                                                                                                          
“Since X was not the answer then it must be Y. If I get Y, then I will be complete and satisfied.” You work very hard to achieve Y.

You achieve Y but discover that it was not the answer either. Suddenly a revelation, “it is Z I absolutely need, because Z will make me fulfilled and prosperous.” You work and accomplish Z, and Z is still not the answer.  

This diluted type of thinking continues on and on in your mind. You move on to A, B then C, etc. and still you do not accomplish or feel what you desire. Nothing is ever good enough. But what "if only thinking" has done is keep you from enjoying your life in the moment.

4 Tips on Calming “If Only Thinking”

First: Stop

To eliminate the influence of this project type of thoughts, stop, ground yourself with a couple deep breaths and then focus on your thoughts and attuned to them. 

As long as you ignore your own thoughts, too disconnected from them and take them for granted, you will perceive them to be your truth. If you allow to be your truth then they become diluted and you cannot help but be swallowed up by their attractiveness. Thinking “if I only would achieve or have the X, I will have everything” can be extremely seductive.

Do not take your thoughts for granted. Know the content you are allowing into your mind. You have the ability to change your thoughts once you know what is going on in your thoughts.

Second: Don't be seduced by false promises

Meaning don't be swayed into a belief or into a course of action that is foolish. 99% of the time it is your thoughts that are not true. The answer or feeling you are seeking will not be there upon completion. The best way to separate yourself is to imagine the “if only thinking” as a separate human who will not stop teasing you, enticing you or won’t stop bothering you. This “if only thinking” is so real, enticing and possible that you get lulled into working hard to achieve an end result that will not work. Unfortunately, none of the promises from this form of thinking ever come true.

Third: Be objective

Now view your thoughts as though they were are coming from that other human. Step back from the imaginary person with the “if only” scenario so you can be more objective and less emotionally tied to the thinking. Stepping back allows you to take it less personally and with less emotional attachment. The best way to achieve objectiveness is to imagine the “if only thinking” as another person who will stop at nothing to influence you and won’t shut up, for example an annoying used car salesman. Imagine that your “if only thinking” has its own body and mind. Pretend this person is talking to you and attempting to convince you “if only you would ... then your life would be perfect.” Once you have this objectiveness set up in your mind, then spend a day talking to this person. Guaranteed you will want to completely separate yourself from this person because nothing that this person says ever comes true.

“If only thinking” has far less impact on your actions, emotions, mindset or future outcomes, as well as on the world, than you would like to think. If you're willing to be objective and watch all your thoughts, you will successfully shut down the “if only thinking” and gain clarity of what is happening in your thinking.

Fourth: Decide to live in the moment

Stop counting on something or someone in the future being the answer to love, your fulfillment, happiness, or success. Once you stop holding onto the past or predicting the future (which is impossible), the faster you can enjoy the present with mindfulness.

The sooner you recognize that “if only thinking” will not help you get what you want any faster and that this form of delusional thinking is not really you. The quicker you make this realization the quicker you will become a much happier, fulfilled, peaceful and a more mindful person. Live in the moment and don’t become trapped in your past or unrealistically reaching aimlessly in the future.

                                                                       
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