Sunday, September 13, 2015

4 Tips on Clearing Resentments

Many people have been scared emotionally and developed dis-trustfulness toward others. We all have been bullied, harassed, intimidated, and teased or overtly by physical harmed. Prejudice and meanness toward another is prevalent throughout our society and reoccur through all age groups.

It is a normal course over time feel cheated, betrayed, humiliated, hurt or wronged in a relationship gone wrong. Wanting some type of repayment, get even or revenge is also normal. This process is called resentment.

So let get real about relationships. Are you having relationship difficulties? Do you have difficulty trusting people you are in a relationship with? Do you find yourself unable to emotionally invest in your relationships but you don't know why. There is a possibility that the reason maybe that you have been holding onto resentments from past hurtful relationships for years or maybe even from your childhood that directly impact your ability to invest into relationships.

How resentments affect relationships

What is a resentment? 

We all have gone through situations in our lives where we had been taken advantage of, felt cheated, betrayed, humiliated, hurt, or wronged in some way. One of the most damaging feelings we carry that block our growth and success is resentments. As a human being we hold ill feelings toward other who we felt wronged us even against ourselves. For the most part we are not even aware of the baggage that we carry from our past events. 

The definition of a resentment is an ill will, ill feelings or ill thoughts, even an ill wish that are formed from an experienced where we felt wronged. We carry these wrongs subconsciously as a result of life events that are real or imagined. These wrongs are formed as a reaction to a life experience where we have perceived to have wronged someone or self and/or think someone has wronged us in one way or another. 

A resentment can cause many intense, reactive emotions such as anger, depression, disappointment, fear, hostility, panic, rage or regret which festers in the subconscious without conscious awareness for which we are not mindful of in the moment. Resentments have a very strong influence on how we relate to ourselves; how we think about others and most of all our behavior. These ill feelings affect the way we allow ourselves to perform in life. Thoughts such as: “I do not deserve anything because of what I have done” or “I am nothing because what was done to me.” This type of thinking eventually becomes a subconscious barrier to our accepting good things and success in our life. 

How do we get them?

You get them in experience you have everyday situations. Resentment form from an unusual high emotional attachment and involvement with another person and situation.  Situations such as relationship breakups, criticism, infidelity, disconnectedness, deep disappointment with another, divorce, embarrassment, and unrequited love……

Why are resentments so important to how we function in relationships?

Resentment can harm you. Resentment can cause you to disconnect from yourself and turn into self-hate. Resentment takes so much energy subconsciously to hold onto that it depletes your personal energy. On all levels, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Resentment can cause you to not trust others and even yourself. They can cause you to form negative core beliefs and self-limiting thoughts that turn into self-sabotaging behavior.

4 Tips on Removing Resentments 

1. Recognize all the wrongs you remember done to you or you feel you have done to yourself and           make a list of them.

2. Identify which are the most important or might have greatest impact on you. Rank them in order         from most hurtful to least.

3. Evaluate each one to whether they are real or imagined. Over           time, much of what you remember diluted in content but fester         in emotional intensity.

4. Lastly get honest and ask yourself:

a) What do you perceive is the benefit for to hanging onto each 
     one of your resentments?

b) What do you want to happen, outcome that you want to before          you are willing to let go?

c) What realistically can you do today about each one?

d) Do you accept yourself, and can you forgive (stop holding onto        it) yourself and then release (don’t live in the past) old wrongs.

1 Quick Way to Remove Resentments from being a Barrier

Resentments are subconscious baggage that keeps you down without your permission.  Resentments are very pervasive and troubling to you. Resentment require a tremendous amount of energy to remain alive.

To make a positive change in your life you have to 1) recognize the baggage that is weighing you down unknowing and 2) that is consuming all your mental, emotional, physical or spiritual energy. You counter it by opening and searching your mind, identifying all your old hurts (major and minor) and putting them in real time but writing them down on paper. 

Take Away

What could be hurting you the most could be beliefs that you have formed about relationships over time that determine how you function in your relationships? You could be unaware of issues like loyalty, trust, and connectedness could be more important than you realize. 

I am willing to bet that if you are reading this article, you already have a strong suspicion that you are carrying old unresolved wrongs about relationships. If you said “yes” so much of was stated above is true for you, so you need to begin to free yourself for all your old resentment baggage in order for you to have successful relationships. 

So take ownership of yourself by investing in who you are at this moment. Learn about your beliefs you carry about relationships. Remember you can't be affected by something that you are not holding onto.  So start to make a positive change by discovery more about your beliefs and resentments you hold onto about relationships.  

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